Internet is Back

I have just spent the last three weeks or so dealing with a major disruption in my internet and phone usage. All of this was called by my husband and my decision to reactivate our ADT security system. Now my brother who tends to have many opinions about almost everything in the universe cautioned us against getting ADT. He apparently works for a security company who cancelled their relationship with ADT service providers because of horrible customer service and ADT's refusal to keep their personnel properly trained. We unfortunately decided to pooh pooh his advice and took the leap with ADT. To back up a few weeks. Our decision to reactivate a security system was prompted by our house being broken into in broad day light. Needless, to say we were highly motivated to get a security system as soon as possible.

Well, we should have listened to dear old brother. Everything was fine in the process to get the system. We liked our salesman, the installer showed up on time, everything was beautiful until I called home after the installer left and could not get through. Their was absolutely no dial tone. Also that night, we were awakened by the sheriff knocking on our door at midnight because they had received a couple of 911calls from our home. AAAGH! Of course my husband and I were groggy and probably the police thought we had just been fighting because of how disheveled a person looks when awoken by insistent pounding on their front door. We assured the sheriffs that we were not having a domestic violence incidence and that we weren't currently holding anyone hostage and explained that we had just had a new security system installed that was obviously going haywire. The cops reluctantly left and we call ADT. They claimed they had no record of the call. My husband proceeded to request a service call. After a few missed appointments in which we rearranged our work schedules to be available and the frigging service people were no-shows, and after the people from ADT and the people from AT &T played pass the buck regarding the problems with the phone line, we finally decided to call it quits. Of course, getting the friggin' security system installed allowed us to experience the height of their customer service mojo because we have had no luck in getting a full refund. We have been passed around like a, well I won't go there but needless to say I am now researching the boss of our local ADT office so I can get some results.

Thankfully, AT&T came back out tonight and fixed our phone line so now I can have internet. Now I have been diligent and have collected some ides regarding posts and I hope to get to all of them. But first I had to vent my frustration.


I am curious and trying to figure out how to get more people to read this blog. My primary purpose in blogging is to prove I can stick to something but I admit I would like a little piece of this new blogging empire. Oh well, hope springs eternal.

A Rough Week

This has been one of the more difficult weeks of my life as it relates to work. I basically encountered a situation where my boss is either showing signs of mental deterioration, or blatant dishonesty. She basically rescinded an accommodation that she had originally offered to me in response to an original request I had made. The kicker was that when she rescinded it she made it seem as if I had made an inappropriate request that she was uncomfortable with. More detail is probably in order. I had originally requested to reduce my time to 80% with a commiserate reduction in salary. I had also requested a raise that I had earned. So basically I wanted 80% of an increased salary. My boss countered by suggesting that I telecommute 20% time a the current salary. I basically have two bosses. At the time this counteroffer was made my boss indicated that she and my other boss had discussed it. I was uncomfortable with this situation because we currently have a new CEO who is a stickler for rules . My current boss is used to working out informal arrangements regarding job logistics (scheduling, etc) that aren't always reflected on paper. So I later told my boss that I would prefer to do everything appropriately and go through established channels. I approached her with this concern twice. Each time she deflected by saying the main office was not approving raises at this time and that it would be better just to work it out amongst ourselves. Fat forward to Tuesday. I met with the other boss and as we were discussing other staff positions she alluded to the salary savings which would have resulted from a 20% reduction in my salary. Thinking that she was privy to all the communication I had had with the other boss I explained the telecommuting options and the fact that no salary savings would result. She didn't appear to know what I was talking about and looked at me like I had to heads. Later that evening I sent her an email to clarify what I thought were just miscommunication. She then responded that she nor my other boss were aware of these suggested arrangements and asked that we meet the following day to discuss it. During this meeting my other boss professed ignorance of this counter offer and acted as if I had requested to be paid to pick up my children from school as opposed to staying in the office till 4pm. I was flummoxed. I of course retold the entire tale of how this counter offer came to even be on the table. My other boss denied she had mad this offer and stated that she would have never made a firm offer without consulting w/ boss # 2. I reminded her that she had told me she and boss #2 discussed it. She acted as if she had never had these conversations with me and that she was never aware of any firm resolutions.

Some additional facts bear mentioning. My boss #1 is over seventy and has been under a lot of stress due to the presence of the new savvy CEO who is constantly calling into question my boss's nontraditional management style. My boss #1 would never be considered an organized person under the best of circumstances. My boss # 1 never accepts culpability when she makes mistakes and instead tries to blame others.

Needless to say I was incensed. I unfortunately became very emotional which I regret. I had to go an facilitate another meeting right after this so I had to go to my office and try to rid my eyes of the redness. Later on they wanted to touch basis with me and try to work out a workable solution. I countered by restating my original request or a reduction in time to 80%. I further stated that I would stick with my current salary and that I didn't want any of their informal arrangements. I added that this would also mean they could not call me after hours to deal with crises. They were really bothered by this suggestion because they are dependent on me always being available to deal with problems.

I feel somewhat responsible because I have seen others harmed by my boss # 1's faulty business ethics but I unfortunately thought I was immune. This does further clarify the nee to finish my DISSERTATION so I can leave this current employment situation and have more lucrative options. Maybe this is God's way of making the frying pan very hot to prevent me from getting comfortable. I do know God is good and I have a lot to be thankful for. I will rely on all the support I get from my husband and my other fellow directors who also have to deal with this crap from our bosses.

Dissertation Update and other thoughts

Well, today is my 39th birthday. I can honestly say that this is the first time in about nine years that I have not dreaded this day because of my unfinished dissertation. I don't know if this just because of the small step I took last week to re-connect with my dissertation advisor or if my priorities are shifting but today I mostly focused on what I have to be thankful for. I have not done any of my to-do list except to pray but I still feel good about it. I did look up the contact information for my departmental chair so I plan to e-mail him to determine if the requirements for completing my doctoral degree have changed. I plan to compose this e-mail right after the kiddies go to bed. I did get a call from my advisor. I let the call go to voice mail. I will listen to it after I have composed the e-mail and before I send it. I am a little unhappy w/ the fact that he contacted me before I completed my to-do list but I am not allowing myself to focus on anything negative.

Today was the kids first day of school. I so enjoyed having the day off and being able to take them and pick them up. I did become acutely aware of how socially anxious my 7 y/o son is. He was overly chatty this morning and on the drive to school . I could tell he was trying to allay his anxiety. He has been a nail biter since he was a baby and he tends to chew on his nail beds. He made a comment that he was going to chew his fingers up. I feel kind of stupid that I never really undetstood the depth of his social anxiety. He and his sister are in the same class which I am not too happy about. His sister was definitely not happy about this. My son, CP, tends to have behavioral problems and other school challenges. My daughter, RP, is an overachiever who never gets in trouble and is usually the teacher's favorite. While waiting for class to began, RP went on a happy search for her old friends. CP followed her around like a clumsy puppy unsure of how to manage. It was painful to watch. I will have to figure out how to support him more. I will also have to deal with his behavior issues with an increased awareness of his anxiety. It is undoubtedly a major contributor.

So I treated myself to a major shoe shopping trip. For some reason , DSW gave me $100 in gift cards. They said it was because of my prior shoe purchases. Who am I to argue. Oh well, I really hope my hubby comes through with some acknowledgement of my b-day beyond the "happy b-day, hon' I got this morning. Right now he is watching the Steelers game. That is definitely not on my list of birthday treats.

Daily Musings

Well, it's been a while. We are at the end of summer and I am anxiously awaiting the first day of school for my kids. I just called my dissertation advisor and started the process of re-engaging in the dissertation process. For those of you who don't know I am what people refer to as an ABD. This means I killed myself to fulfill all requirements for a Ph.D. and then fizzled out at my dissertation defense. So, it has been some years since this fizzling and I haven't managed to fully re-engage in the process. But today I squashed all of the fear and anxiety that typically wells up when I deal with this issue and I actually called my advisor and talked about it. I developed a list of things to accomplish before I call him again. This list is not complicated nor is it made up of what any other person would consider significant events. But it is a start and that's all I can manage right about now. According to my list I have to : 1) call the head of my department at the graduate school and find out what parameters I have to abide by to even have a chance of completing this process, 2)look up my advisors current research to think about a new topic that fits, and then 3) I wrote the word 'Pray' four times because I am going to desperately need the help of my father to make it through this process.

Update

It's been a while. I am currently reflecting on the issue of death. Unless you are a hermit living under a rock you know that Michael Jackson, Farah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon died. Pitchman , Billy Mayes, also died suddenly. My father is in his home town to sit in vigil at his brother's bedside b/c he could very well pass away at any moment. I am currently going through some stress at work because a client died after leaving our facility. So basically death is on the brain. I am at a weird place. I of course take comfort in what my belief system promises as it relates to death- absent from the body present with the Lord. But I can't help but to just feel a strange sense of detachment about all this death. I have to admit despite my recent feelings about MJ-the whole paedophilia am I white/black/ or alien thing-I actually felt sad about his death. You cannot deny that he was one helluva performer. I can still remember him doing the Billy Jean thing at the Motown awards. His music is a work of art.
I think I am contemplating my own mortality. I am at that age where you have left the feelings of immortality and now realize that at some point life may go own without you. That is sobering. I know that one day my parents won't be there when I call. Worse I know one day my husband or I will depart this scene and one of us will have to go on without the other one.

I also wonder with all the insane posturing of the N. Koreans if America will once again have to deal with a major catastrophe like 911. I mean these people are scaring. We unfortunately have gotten used to Muslim wackos promising to wipe Israel off the face of the world but it is quite another for another super power to make this claim. This threat seems worse than the cold war because their don't appear to be any rules of engagement. It is like we are dealing with a situation where we cannot realistically make any valid predictions about how the leadership of this country will act. Those fantasies of sipping Mai Tai's off the Big Island don't seem so attractive all of a sudden.

I do however take comfort in the fact that God is sovereign and that he actually has everything in control. This keeps me from totally freaking out. However even though I do know how the final play will go I am a little anxious about the plays in the interim. Let's face it although I ultimately pray that I will always maintain my strong faith I don't ever really want anything bad to happen to me or my family. Our pastor preached about Joseph and how we can sometimes face unwarranted tribulation and that we may not always even understand the purpose of trials we may undergo but we have to yet commit ourselves to Christ and his purpose and stay faithful nonetheless. Although this is scary I am strengthened by acknowledging that if some difficult task is part of God's will than I am better off going through it then stepping our of his will to avoid the trial.

My prayer is not only that I remain faithful in hard times but that I also began to act upon my faith by evangelizing others.

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Dealing With Death

How's that for a catchy title. Well, I just returned on Sunday from Ohio along with my husband. We went to funeralize his father who had passed away suddenly. The whole experience has been rather surreal. My hubby received the news on last Thursday while driving to pick up the kids. He called me in the car and just sobbed. Let me just say. These are not the best circumstances under which you want to be transversing the hell that is Los Angeles Traffic. Thankfully we both survived without creating another police chase video. I decided quickly to accomapny him b/c I was a little worried about how he would make out and also b/c I was very curious about how this whole thing would play out.

Well there was enough drama for a stage play but ultimately his father was laid to rest in a respectful fashion and his remains are in the veterans cemetary which is a propper acknowledgement of his service to his country.

My husbands biggest concern was and continues to be whether or not his father had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ before he died. Now my father-in-law was raised in the church, had many family members including my husband who were ministers, and certainly engaged in many of the rituals associated with Christianity. Whether or not he had actually established a personal relationship w/ Jesus by repenting of his sins and asking Jesus to come into his heart, however, is somewhat of a mystery. My father in law was a very intelligent man who was deeply troubled. Some of his issues could be traced back to the turbulent sixties, or to the vietnam war, or to the anger that is sometimes associated with being a thinking black man. But he never seemed to be at peace. He was also a self proclaimed seeker who was constantly in search of the answer. He was one of those indiviuals who was well read and well versed on a vast multitude of subjects. He also had read everyone of the thousands of books he owned. But I am not so sure that in his quest for knowledge he was able to accept the simplicity of the gospel.

His life does make me reflect on the necessity of pursuing simple truth. It is tue that when all is said and done and one finds himself laying in a coffin the only thing that really matters is what you have done about Jesus. If you have accpeted him then everything is good irregardless of how the wolrd may value your life. If you have not accepted him than no good you have done can make up for the ultimate bad you have accomplished by rejecting Christ. Christianity is not opposed to the pursuit of knowledge but pursuing knowledge for knowledge's sake can make you miss God. I have to remind myself of this because sometimes I can get caught up in what I know, or what I think I understand. I have even become so arrogant as to think that my ability to understand or to not understand something impacts reality.

Well his father is gone and one day we two will be gone. This is depressing. But then I think that Jesus is here, has always been here, and will always be and that provides me with an unbelievable amount of hope. I often fall very short of what God wants me to do or be but I am so relieved to know that my ultimate source of joy is to fulfill His purpose for my life and then to go and spend eternity with Him. It is so not on me to figure out life. I just have to spend my time trying to figure out as much as I can about Him. I am not even alone in this endeavor as He helps me get to know Him and helps me become more and more like Him.

My f-i-l' death did also make me more aware of both my own mortality and that of my parents. I am so not ready to deal with the idea of losing my mom or my dad. I am also wondering if my hubby has hit his breaking point. He lost his grandmother who raised him and his father. His relationship with his mother is almost nonexistant and she apparently has some type of serious illness which she will not disclose. He mentioned going out on stress and I had to bridle my tongue b/c of course the bad economy makes this a terrifying thought.

On top of all this my 10 y/o's doctor wants to do an MRI on her heart. The doctor keeps insisting that nothing is wrong but this is the third expensive test she has requested. Granted my 10 y/o is not having any symptoms of anything but the doctor is concerned about some possible artifacts in her heart. If you can't tell I am a little overwhelmed.

I know that God is in control. I don't mean this in some superchristian cliquey way. I mean I am so glad he is in control b/c I am almost at my wits end and if it were all on me I would have lost my mind a long time ago. So the fact that I can still function, laugh, experience joy, love my family, and feel optimistic means that God is totally sustaining me. I fear my family's mortality but I know of a certainty that they belong to God and that he is able to keep their bodies whole and if not he will empower me to deal with whatever comes my way.

Keep praying for me.

Catch Up

Well, it's been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened including the inauguration. I watched the inauguration with an interesting complex array of feelings. I was very concerned as a moderate conservative about what this presidency would mean in terms of policies and perspectives. While I don't think Obama's prsidency necessarily heralds the apocalypse, it definitely can have an impact on issues I care deeply about. I also watched the inauguration as an African American female and I could not help but be rendered speechless by the surreal experience of seeing an African American family installed in the white house. Of course what can you say about Sascha and Malina. Given that they are similiar in age to my own two 'African Princesses", I am deeply affected by all that they represent. Then there is Michelle. Let the record show that this is one bad 'sistah'.

Since the inaguration I have been alarmed that one of the first decisions of his presidency extended the possibility of abortion masquerading as women's health around the globe. I am astounded at the stimulus bill that my grandchildren will have to pay for and the fact that it appears to be a longitudinal funding of a wide plethora of liberal agendas that will do little if any to increase my standard of living or improve the ability of my husband and myself to provide for our family.

Since the inaguration I have also been pleased as punch by the keen inteligence and polished style of the Obama's. I have enjoyed watching them combine their 'blackness' with their political acumen. I have read a large part of Obama's story about his development and felt such a strong sense of kinship while still being amazed at the turbulent process of his identity development. I have shed tears at the Black History Month celebrations I have attended which chronicled our journey from Africa to the White House with pitstops in the Jim Crow South along the way.

As you can tell , this time has been an emotional upheaval that has caused me to consider and reconsider who I am and what I believe on every level. My faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, persists as does my reliance on the Word of God as a manaual for how to live my life. I now am involved in studying to see what this present time means in light of Biblical prophesy. Of course there are those who will now groan and wonder :Why does everything have to be about the Bible". To which I respond everything is about the bible, we just have to accept the challenge to discover what they Bible says about our current life situations. Some, including memebers of my own family, have alluded to Obama's presidency as the answer to prayers. Well the children of Israel got Saul for their king after begging God for him but it did not turn out to be the best thing for them.

So I don't offer a resolution to this issue but I do invite you to keep exploring along with me.