EWWWWWW!!!!!

So, it's Sunday afternoon and after a stressful week filled with nonstop responsibilities, appointments, work, housework, bills, etc. the hubby and I were finally finding a little time to 'fellowship'. Things were progressing quite nicely and escalating to a significant point when all of a sudden we hear a loud proclamation of , "EWWWWWWWW!!!!". We disentangle, and to our horror our youngest son is standing at the foot of our bed looking horrified and holding the telephone in his hand. We all enter a moment of suspended animation that felt like years although I'm sure it was a few seconds. My son quickly drops the phone and proceeds to run out of the room. My husband encourages his flight by forgetting every parenting class, seminar, or speech he has ever heard and yelling, "GET OUT". We are stunned into awful silence as we recognize that there was indeed someone on the telephone. My husband grabs the phone and silently indicates that my mother is on the phone. OMG!!!!, Can this get any worse? So we do what any mature people who have been sometimes trusted to dispense wise advice to others would do...he hangs up the phone. I quickly bury my head in the pillow and ask, "Didn't you lock the doors (we have two doors that lead into our bedroom)?" He claims that he did. Horror turns to embarrassment which quickly turns into hysterical laughter, and then the cycle keeps repeating itself in this excruciating loop. To put the icing on this unbelievable cake, my husband looks at me and says, "Well, we might as well finish." This is definitely not the time to revisit the Men are From Mars/Women are from Venus saga but you clearly get the point.

After tying up the loose ends (smh) my husband and I debate whether my mother will know what was going on. You have to realize that my mother has been described as an ostrich who frequently sticks her head in the sand to avoid discussing anything that is uncomfortable. We agree that she probably knows what we were doing but that she will gladly be complicit with us in coming up with any other way of explaining this incident other than the real deal. Of course this is assuming that I ever decide to talk to my mother again.

My husband goes downstairs and continuing his episode of poor parenting reams my son for rushing into our room into a closed door rather than knocking. I call him on his cell in the midst of this tirade and encourage him to not further traumatize the child. I then decide that even though I am a very open parent and accurately, and freely address any questions my kids pose to me regarding sexual issues I will never speak of this again. I am going to follow in the tradition of my mother. So, I finally get the courage to come downstairs to face my family and despite a few weird looks from my daughters we all proceed as if it never happened. My husband did have the good parenting talk with my son explaining that mommy and daddy are in a healthy, committed relationship, and that what he saw was our special way of sharing that love with each other. Of course we heavily emphasize that we are married and that a healthy sexual relationship is part of the benefits of being married.

I finally talked to my mom a day later and sure enough we came up with a safe way to talk about the incident. The take away message is make sure your doors are locked when you want to fellowship.