A Rough Week

This has been one of the more difficult weeks of my life as it relates to work. I basically encountered a situation where my boss is either showing signs of mental deterioration, or blatant dishonesty. She basically rescinded an accommodation that she had originally offered to me in response to an original request I had made. The kicker was that when she rescinded it she made it seem as if I had made an inappropriate request that she was uncomfortable with. More detail is probably in order. I had originally requested to reduce my time to 80% with a commiserate reduction in salary. I had also requested a raise that I had earned. So basically I wanted 80% of an increased salary. My boss countered by suggesting that I telecommute 20% time a the current salary. I basically have two bosses. At the time this counteroffer was made my boss indicated that she and my other boss had discussed it. I was uncomfortable with this situation because we currently have a new CEO who is a stickler for rules . My current boss is used to working out informal arrangements regarding job logistics (scheduling, etc) that aren't always reflected on paper. So I later told my boss that I would prefer to do everything appropriately and go through established channels. I approached her with this concern twice. Each time she deflected by saying the main office was not approving raises at this time and that it would be better just to work it out amongst ourselves. Fat forward to Tuesday. I met with the other boss and as we were discussing other staff positions she alluded to the salary savings which would have resulted from a 20% reduction in my salary. Thinking that she was privy to all the communication I had had with the other boss I explained the telecommuting options and the fact that no salary savings would result. She didn't appear to know what I was talking about and looked at me like I had to heads. Later that evening I sent her an email to clarify what I thought were just miscommunication. She then responded that she nor my other boss were aware of these suggested arrangements and asked that we meet the following day to discuss it. During this meeting my other boss professed ignorance of this counter offer and acted as if I had requested to be paid to pick up my children from school as opposed to staying in the office till 4pm. I was flummoxed. I of course retold the entire tale of how this counter offer came to even be on the table. My other boss denied she had mad this offer and stated that she would have never made a firm offer without consulting w/ boss # 2. I reminded her that she had told me she and boss #2 discussed it. She acted as if she had never had these conversations with me and that she was never aware of any firm resolutions.

Some additional facts bear mentioning. My boss #1 is over seventy and has been under a lot of stress due to the presence of the new savvy CEO who is constantly calling into question my boss's nontraditional management style. My boss #1 would never be considered an organized person under the best of circumstances. My boss # 1 never accepts culpability when she makes mistakes and instead tries to blame others.

Needless to say I was incensed. I unfortunately became very emotional which I regret. I had to go an facilitate another meeting right after this so I had to go to my office and try to rid my eyes of the redness. Later on they wanted to touch basis with me and try to work out a workable solution. I countered by restating my original request or a reduction in time to 80%. I further stated that I would stick with my current salary and that I didn't want any of their informal arrangements. I added that this would also mean they could not call me after hours to deal with crises. They were really bothered by this suggestion because they are dependent on me always being available to deal with problems.

I feel somewhat responsible because I have seen others harmed by my boss # 1's faulty business ethics but I unfortunately thought I was immune. This does further clarify the nee to finish my DISSERTATION so I can leave this current employment situation and have more lucrative options. Maybe this is God's way of making the frying pan very hot to prevent me from getting comfortable. I do know God is good and I have a lot to be thankful for. I will rely on all the support I get from my husband and my other fellow directors who also have to deal with this crap from our bosses.

Dissertation Update and other thoughts

Well, today is my 39th birthday. I can honestly say that this is the first time in about nine years that I have not dreaded this day because of my unfinished dissertation. I don't know if this just because of the small step I took last week to re-connect with my dissertation advisor or if my priorities are shifting but today I mostly focused on what I have to be thankful for. I have not done any of my to-do list except to pray but I still feel good about it. I did look up the contact information for my departmental chair so I plan to e-mail him to determine if the requirements for completing my doctoral degree have changed. I plan to compose this e-mail right after the kiddies go to bed. I did get a call from my advisor. I let the call go to voice mail. I will listen to it after I have composed the e-mail and before I send it. I am a little unhappy w/ the fact that he contacted me before I completed my to-do list but I am not allowing myself to focus on anything negative.

Today was the kids first day of school. I so enjoyed having the day off and being able to take them and pick them up. I did become acutely aware of how socially anxious my 7 y/o son is. He was overly chatty this morning and on the drive to school . I could tell he was trying to allay his anxiety. He has been a nail biter since he was a baby and he tends to chew on his nail beds. He made a comment that he was going to chew his fingers up. I feel kind of stupid that I never really undetstood the depth of his social anxiety. He and his sister are in the same class which I am not too happy about. His sister was definitely not happy about this. My son, CP, tends to have behavioral problems and other school challenges. My daughter, RP, is an overachiever who never gets in trouble and is usually the teacher's favorite. While waiting for class to began, RP went on a happy search for her old friends. CP followed her around like a clumsy puppy unsure of how to manage. It was painful to watch. I will have to figure out how to support him more. I will also have to deal with his behavior issues with an increased awareness of his anxiety. It is undoubtedly a major contributor.

So I treated myself to a major shoe shopping trip. For some reason , DSW gave me $100 in gift cards. They said it was because of my prior shoe purchases. Who am I to argue. Oh well, I really hope my hubby comes through with some acknowledgement of my b-day beyond the "happy b-day, hon' I got this morning. Right now he is watching the Steelers game. That is definitely not on my list of birthday treats.

Daily Musings

Well, it's been a while. We are at the end of summer and I am anxiously awaiting the first day of school for my kids. I just called my dissertation advisor and started the process of re-engaging in the dissertation process. For those of you who don't know I am what people refer to as an ABD. This means I killed myself to fulfill all requirements for a Ph.D. and then fizzled out at my dissertation defense. So, it has been some years since this fizzling and I haven't managed to fully re-engage in the process. But today I squashed all of the fear and anxiety that typically wells up when I deal with this issue and I actually called my advisor and talked about it. I developed a list of things to accomplish before I call him again. This list is not complicated nor is it made up of what any other person would consider significant events. But it is a start and that's all I can manage right about now. According to my list I have to : 1) call the head of my department at the graduate school and find out what parameters I have to abide by to even have a chance of completing this process, 2)look up my advisors current research to think about a new topic that fits, and then 3) I wrote the word 'Pray' four times because I am going to desperately need the help of my father to make it through this process.