Jennifer Hudson Tragedy

I spent the last couple of days hoping against hope that the Jennifer Hudson story would not develop into a tragedy beyond comprehension. Like a lot o you I could not stop constantly checking for updates to the story while becoming increasingly despondent as the story emerged, This was particularly poignant for me as a manger of domestic violence programs for a non=profit that specializes in addressing the specific needs of women. Lately myself and my colleagues have been involved in a never ending discussion of how to provide support for dv victims while still dealing with some of the accompanying casualties that sometimes present themselves. Specifically the children and family of these women and the impact of this tragedy on them. While I don't ever and we strongly advocate that others don't blame the victim for the violence she may be experiencing. It is often true that while they are in the process of dealing with their abuser some of their decisions do endanger their children and loved ones. Now sure it is not her fault that some wacko has a need to exert such control over her that he is often willing to hurt those she loves to hurt her. But it is a fact that she is often the one who although unwittingly, invites this abuser into the lives of those who he subsequently harms. Also, while she is attempting to gain the strength to separate, her family often rushes into protect her and thus become further embroiled in a fatal relationship dance that often has her returning over and over to the man her family has sometimes risked life and limb to help her separate from.
I know , I know. It is not her fault. Trust me I know this and it is that awareness that propels me to walk alongside women who are simply trying to regain their power. But I do cringe when she talks about her kid cowering in the door way while she is abused. Or the kid who has begun to prosper in shelter treatment withdrawing into a shell as they recognize that mommy is going back. Who is to blame for them. Or more importantly who is responsible for protecting them.
I know from personal experience that the end result of the fatal dance of dv is tragedy not only for the women but also death and destruction for her family. I also know that as you try to recover after he hurts or kills the innocent in his effort to hurt her it is hard not to look at her and scream, 'Why the hell did you not leave before this happened.'
I don't know if the Jenifer tragedy will emerge as an actual domestic violence tragedy, but I know it only graphically exacerbates the conflict that I feel as I strive to support her while trying to figure out how to help the other innocent bystanders.