I am in the midst of a major procrastination episode. I have to do three presentations on the last weekend in April and I have not made significant progress on any of the presentations even though I have been aware of these obligations since mid Feb. Of course my biggest excuse has been the overwhelming obligations I have on the job. I truly have more work and stress then I can possibly handle on the job. I went through several weeks of some depression as a result and it took a while to get myself back on an even keel. I had to establish some reasonable boundaries for my self and to engage in some serious priority setting just to keep my head above water. One decision was to insist on taking my vacation this week despite pressure to not take a vacation. This brings me to my current procrastination episode. Since I have let a lot of responsibilities fall by the way side to try to keep up with my job requirements, ten I planned to use this week to catch up. Of course this is now the second day and I have only managed to watch several zillion episodes of missed shows on Netflix. I also managed to fold a few loads of laundry and bathe and put on fresh clothes today.
I so need to get busy with these presentations since I have been dying to have more speaking engagements and I really want to be prepared for these opportunities. I also need to register for my licensing tests, apply for a mortgage modification, and do some serious spring cleaning. Oh, yeah, and I have a job interview on Friday. So why am I sitting here doing nothing significant. I realize that I am really tired and I really don't want to do anything. Of course, this is probably why I am making a blog entry after a lapse of over three months.
I am enjoying time doing nothing with the family. I really miss not having a lot of time with the family because of the job. I miss just sitting around doing nothing but cuddling with my babies and my hubby. I think I am going to do the following to motivate myself:
1) Set small goals tomorrow (i.e. write for about 1 hour then take a break).
2) Include relaxing goals since this is my vacation (i.e. shop, go out to lunch, vegetate in front of t.v.).
3) Not read any more work emails no matter how much it kills me. If its really serious they will call me.
4) Focus on goals that will improve the quality of my life (professional development).
5). Not beat myself up if I don't come through on any of these goals- It is my vacation.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
God Does Not Hate Me
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope, Jeremiah 29:11
I have been a Christian for a long time so you would think that I would be beyond harboring doubt about God's love for me. Certainly, even if I doubted His love, I would not harbor thoughts that He has bad intentions toward me, Well, unfortunately, if I am honest with myself I sometimes experience anxiety related to God and His feelings toward me and His intentions for me. I don't doubt that He is all powerful. I just sometimes wonder if He plans to use His mightiness for my benefit.
Although I have been blessed tremendously throughout my life, I have had some painful, traumatic experiences when I wondered where God was or wether or not He was paying attention to my situation. Usually, I imagined that no one else was going through what I was experiencing and thus I was somehow being singled out. A lot of these notions stemmed from a very one sided acceptance of the Word of God and all that it reveals about the personhood of God. I viewed God as being omnipotent, omnipresent, omnicient, etc. so it therefore followed that if everything was not kosher in my life at a particular time then God was choosing to allow me to go through these things and choosing not to miraculously intervene.
It's important to note that I was raised in the Pentecostal church where testifying was a well developed art. The saints would dramatically tell of the goodness of Jesus and just as dramatically talk about all the evil deeds of the devil. Now, the saints were always ultimately delivered from the evil plots of satan and the Lord always showed up right on time. I was very influenced by this. I remember rejoicing with the saints that with the Lord's help they had overcome but I was always curious as to why the Lord just didn't prevent them from having any negative experiences at all. I also secretly wanted God to keep me from evil altogether.
As a student of the Word, I know that we live in a sinful world and that we will suffer trials and tribulations as a result. I also know and believe that 'All things work together for good for those who are called according to His will.' I also realize that our faith is often tested in order that we might grow stronger in our faith. But I had to remind myself today that God takes no pleasure in our struggles. Nor does He have any ill intent toward us. It is illogical that He would send His only Son to die for our sins in order that He might have a real relationship with us just to spend time and energy trying to cause us harm. So, if I am going through a difficult time and if my current situation does not seem to be working out, I need to remeber that God ultimately desires the best for me. I have to reflect on the Foot prints poem and recognize that His is always with me. Sometimes He walks beside me and I can feel His presence and sometimes He carries me and I might not be aware that he is there.
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope, Jeremiah 29:11
This passage in Jeremiah is such a comfort to me. First of all God is thinking of me. this is incredible when we think of how great He is and how insignificant we are. Not only is He thinking of me but he has plans for me to benefit and not to suffer calamity. I of course have to put this in a spiritual perspective but I can take comfort in knowing that the Creator of the universe is thinking good thoughts and making good plans for me. Awww, that feels better already.
I have been a Christian for a long time so you would think that I would be beyond harboring doubt about God's love for me. Certainly, even if I doubted His love, I would not harbor thoughts that He has bad intentions toward me, Well, unfortunately, if I am honest with myself I sometimes experience anxiety related to God and His feelings toward me and His intentions for me. I don't doubt that He is all powerful. I just sometimes wonder if He plans to use His mightiness for my benefit.
Although I have been blessed tremendously throughout my life, I have had some painful, traumatic experiences when I wondered where God was or wether or not He was paying attention to my situation. Usually, I imagined that no one else was going through what I was experiencing and thus I was somehow being singled out. A lot of these notions stemmed from a very one sided acceptance of the Word of God and all that it reveals about the personhood of God. I viewed God as being omnipotent, omnipresent, omnicient, etc. so it therefore followed that if everything was not kosher in my life at a particular time then God was choosing to allow me to go through these things and choosing not to miraculously intervene.
It's important to note that I was raised in the Pentecostal church where testifying was a well developed art. The saints would dramatically tell of the goodness of Jesus and just as dramatically talk about all the evil deeds of the devil. Now, the saints were always ultimately delivered from the evil plots of satan and the Lord always showed up right on time. I was very influenced by this. I remember rejoicing with the saints that with the Lord's help they had overcome but I was always curious as to why the Lord just didn't prevent them from having any negative experiences at all. I also secretly wanted God to keep me from evil altogether.
As a student of the Word, I know that we live in a sinful world and that we will suffer trials and tribulations as a result. I also know and believe that 'All things work together for good for those who are called according to His will.' I also realize that our faith is often tested in order that we might grow stronger in our faith. But I had to remind myself today that God takes no pleasure in our struggles. Nor does He have any ill intent toward us. It is illogical that He would send His only Son to die for our sins in order that He might have a real relationship with us just to spend time and energy trying to cause us harm. So, if I am going through a difficult time and if my current situation does not seem to be working out, I need to remeber that God ultimately desires the best for me. I have to reflect on the Foot prints poem and recognize that His is always with me. Sometimes He walks beside me and I can feel His presence and sometimes He carries me and I might not be aware that he is there.
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope, Jeremiah 29:11
This passage in Jeremiah is such a comfort to me. First of all God is thinking of me. this is incredible when we think of how great He is and how insignificant we are. Not only is He thinking of me but he has plans for me to benefit and not to suffer calamity. I of course have to put this in a spiritual perspective but I can take comfort in knowing that the Creator of the universe is thinking good thoughts and making good plans for me. Awww, that feels better already.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Jealousy
According to Wikipedia, Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. According to the same source jealousy should not be confused with envy which is (also called invidiousness) is best defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."[1]
Envy can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been he or she who had the desired object.[2
Both feelings are extremely destructive and have plagued mankind since Cain and Abel's tumultuous relationship in the begining of time. I have been thinking a lot about these issues during my current difficulties. I have always priding myself on bein a confident person who genuinely enjoys the successes of others and wishes them only the best. However, I must admit that I have had to put forth extra effort to avoid these feelings taking root in my psyche over the past several months. This has been very stressful because I genuinely believe that my life is guided and directed by God and that He will provide for me everything I am intended to have. So I don't need to worry about what others have and what others have accomplished because it does not affect me. But, I can feel the little green-eyed monster creeping up from time -to-time and I have to consciously talk myself out of these feelings. These feelings remind me of the fact that even though someone might be a Christian, we deal with a daily battle of not allowing ourself to fall into a pattern of sin. We are very susceptible to harboring sinful feelings like envy and jealousy and we can't always automatically not be tempted by these issues. So what do you do when you feel disturbing thoughts and feelings creeping into your mind.
1) The first step is to recognize that you are actually experiencing jealousy and envy. This seems simple but it actually might require a little insight into your own psyche. The jealousy and envy may mask themselves as irritation or undue criticism of the other person. You may also find yourself searching for some quality within the other person that you can feel a sense of superiority regarding. For example, you may repsond to news of another person's career sucess by focussing on their lack of a spous or children. It is crucial to be brutally honest with yourself and acknowledge that their sucess makes your current lack of sucess fell magnified and that you feel negative emotions toward the other person as a result.
2) Don't act on these feelings. You will need to give yourself some time to work through these feelings so it is important that you don't engage in any negative behavior that may be based on these feelings. You should not respond negatively to the person. You should not communicate your negative feelings to another third party. You should not take any actions to bring the other individual down a notch. It is normal to feel tempted but it is not okay to act out your temptation. Besides, you want to get a handle on these feelings before they begin to impact your behavior.
3) Ask yourself the ultimate question, ' How does this make me feel about myself?' This is a huge questions and it may cause you some distress. If you have difficulty doing this on your own, you may want to consult a trusted confidant and/or a counselor. I would spend conSIderable time sitting with this issue. Personally, I would spend significant time in prayer and reading my Bible. As a Christian, it is at this point that I would repent of these feelings. Repent means to acknowledge your sin, ask God to forgive you, ask for help to change your feelings, and to go on with the intention to not repeat the sin.
4) Take whatever steps necessary to improve your own situation so you will have less impetus to feel jealous and envious of others. Focussing on your own self-improvement also focusses your mind on more positive emotions and enables you to spend less time and enerygy worrying about others.
5) You can reapply these steps repetitively until they become routine.
Envy can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been he or she who had the desired object.[2
Both feelings are extremely destructive and have plagued mankind since Cain and Abel's tumultuous relationship in the begining of time. I have been thinking a lot about these issues during my current difficulties. I have always priding myself on bein a confident person who genuinely enjoys the successes of others and wishes them only the best. However, I must admit that I have had to put forth extra effort to avoid these feelings taking root in my psyche over the past several months. This has been very stressful because I genuinely believe that my life is guided and directed by God and that He will provide for me everything I am intended to have. So I don't need to worry about what others have and what others have accomplished because it does not affect me. But, I can feel the little green-eyed monster creeping up from time -to-time and I have to consciously talk myself out of these feelings. These feelings remind me of the fact that even though someone might be a Christian, we deal with a daily battle of not allowing ourself to fall into a pattern of sin. We are very susceptible to harboring sinful feelings like envy and jealousy and we can't always automatically not be tempted by these issues. So what do you do when you feel disturbing thoughts and feelings creeping into your mind.
1) The first step is to recognize that you are actually experiencing jealousy and envy. This seems simple but it actually might require a little insight into your own psyche. The jealousy and envy may mask themselves as irritation or undue criticism of the other person. You may also find yourself searching for some quality within the other person that you can feel a sense of superiority regarding. For example, you may repsond to news of another person's career sucess by focussing on their lack of a spous or children. It is crucial to be brutally honest with yourself and acknowledge that their sucess makes your current lack of sucess fell magnified and that you feel negative emotions toward the other person as a result.
2) Don't act on these feelings. You will need to give yourself some time to work through these feelings so it is important that you don't engage in any negative behavior that may be based on these feelings. You should not respond negatively to the person. You should not communicate your negative feelings to another third party. You should not take any actions to bring the other individual down a notch. It is normal to feel tempted but it is not okay to act out your temptation. Besides, you want to get a handle on these feelings before they begin to impact your behavior.
3) Ask yourself the ultimate question, ' How does this make me feel about myself?' This is a huge questions and it may cause you some distress. If you have difficulty doing this on your own, you may want to consult a trusted confidant and/or a counselor. I would spend conSIderable time sitting with this issue. Personally, I would spend significant time in prayer and reading my Bible. As a Christian, it is at this point that I would repent of these feelings. Repent means to acknowledge your sin, ask God to forgive you, ask for help to change your feelings, and to go on with the intention to not repeat the sin.
4) Take whatever steps necessary to improve your own situation so you will have less impetus to feel jealous and envious of others. Focussing on your own self-improvement also focusses your mind on more positive emotions and enables you to spend less time and enerygy worrying about others.
5) You can reapply these steps repetitively until they become routine.
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